Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
