She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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