mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize