I think i peed on brittanys purse
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
