I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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