your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
