mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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