I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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