Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
