Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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