She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
