At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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