i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
