I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
