You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
