Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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