i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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