After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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