He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
