Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
