I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
