i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
