Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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