Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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