I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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