im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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