i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
