I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
