They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
