I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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