yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I touched a dick in church today
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
