I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
