You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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