U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
