I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
