I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
