Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
