I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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