Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
