i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
