i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
sex in a hospital.. check
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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