that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
