mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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