I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
