The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize