Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
