just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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