if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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