It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
