So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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