oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
