dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
