Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
