Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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