he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
