I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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