Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
