Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
