She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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