I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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