stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
