i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
