shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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