u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
