called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pants are for mortals
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
