He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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