I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
