All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
