I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
